aimless love

But my heart is always propped up in a field on its tripod, ready for the next arrow. billy collins

Monday, May 29, 2006

droplets of water

Three days until I'm on sabbatical!!! How is that possible - the last month has been a blur!

I'm embarrassed to have dropped off of the blog planet having degraded to confessions of American Idolotry, but as they say, water finds it's level! I'm lost to myself these days. Thank you Tovah for finding my blog and commenting! I can't believe it's been 20 days since I posted... I really don't understand what I'm doing here yet... but it's good to find that I'm not just writing to myself! it seems hard to imagine that someone would find this - when there are millions of blogs out there... still, I need to try to experiment with this as another medium of aliveness, and if there are connections that are made along the way, that's just a bonus!

I did an interview with some potential students at the U where I teach on Friday, and there was the most amazing moment when I really felt a sense that one of the women was a god-send. As she spoke about a personal crisis in her life several years ago, she mentioned that she had been reading Women who run with the wolves and the need for cycles of birth, death, and re-birth, I could feel my parched spirit leaning in towards her words. She talked about finding art that spoke to her and making small collage pieces that slowly helped her to piece together meaning and life-giving energy, even in the face of what she recognized as a death within. My little brittle waif-like spirit quivered, and I knew that I was desperate to enter into this next phase - despite my fears of being alone, despite fears of facing my demons, despite fears of not being able to finish or use the time well, despite fears of completely losing me...

I have my first cello lesson on June 5! I am determined to make this time mean something more than the diss.

parched spirit drink up
droplets of water are near
dreaming of re-birth

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

idol masala

so was it Karaoke with a capital "K?" I guess you should know that I watch American Idol with my daughter and that I like Taylor Hicks because he has white hair just like me!!!

now that I've admited to being a lemming, I might as well also tell you that I had a great dinner - take out food from Kashish - as well. I'm just an average suburban softball mom!

potatoes and couch
chicken tikka masala
watch idol with you!

this haiku's for Miss M

Monday, May 8, 2006

showing up

So I lent my computer to a friend who is doing a graphics project for a non-profit I belong to - and that has meant that I have had no private computer time! I have to either use the one at work - which is what I'm doing now - or use the one at the house, and I don't really have time there to do so privately... and I still haven't told P about the blog!!

It's been interesting to have a few days away from it. I feel ok about it. Ok with what is emerging here - today it feels as though the person emerging is more me.

Still feeling unsure about what I want to keep private and what I want to show - but it's interesting to think that the block with the dissertation is related to "what I want to show" and so I'm happy to stick with it.

And I love the interactive possibilities! I went to my friend Denise's open studio yesterday and she just inspires me sooooo much!!!! And as I was reading this over today I thought maybe, just maybe, this could become a place to begin to show myself a bit.

it's been my mantra
"just show up" - so why not here?
are you so afraid?