aimless love

But my heart is always propped up in a field on its tripod, ready for the next arrow. billy collins

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

slow and steady?

Why is writing so hard???

It makes me want to wallow in self-pity, but not only is it not very attractive, it's not even interesting!

I'm just not sure I want IT bad enough. I want to write. I want to work on the performance piece. If I'm going to create "art" - it seems like my kind of art - storytelling, dramatic enactment, poetry, video, music...but putting this piece together will be hard!

This writing class is reminding me that to just write like this is not that hard. But to write well takes a lot of patience, re-writing, and most importantly (and for me problematic) discipline.

I think I want to write... but it is definitely not the same kind of wanting as when I want to read and go to the movies and eat ice cream. Those things don't require quite the same effort.

It's kind of like cello. I've been playing pretty much every day, and I'm definitely getting better, but it's not nearly close enough to "art" to pain me yet. Right now it just feels easy... play for 15-20 minutes a day and get better and better.

So why can't I do that with any art form? WIth poetry? or piano? or writing? It seems that if I did that with piano or writing it should make a difference, but the difference it makes is much more subtle and harder to trust and stick with, and so I don't believe it... the little "slow and steady" approach doesn't sustain me in writing the way it does for cello. I'm looking for a formula. I have to find a way to structure it that makes my writing more equivalent to cello.

Meanwhile, I continue to wait for my committee to respond to my proposal. It's been absolutely maddening to wait...but I don't want to piss someone off by sending an email that offends. So I wait. I'm giving her until tomorrow. I've already drafted the "did I miss your email? Have you read my proposal yet?" email. grrrrr....


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