aimless love

But my heart is always propped up in a field on its tripod, ready for the next arrow. billy collins

Friday, June 23, 2006

running out

I feel totally blocked! I can't seem to get around this snag. I'm frightened and frustrated and it's really hard to have faith that it will all work out.

Why is writing sooooo hard???!!!

I've resorted to returning to the basement - at least part of the time! I don't have time to re-create a work space upstairs. I don't have time to find a desk. I don't have time to rewrite any of the sections I've already tried to write. I don't have time to go to the gym, or get a message therapist, or argue with my man, or read novels or do any of the things I think I should be doing!!!

Instead, I'm hanging out with the kids - sneaking in an hour here and an hour there, and I can't concentrate at 10 pm no matter how hard I try!

I can't figure out what to do - I'm despairing of ever getting past this point and finding a new rhythm/pace. What if it takes me another month to move past this point? I feel the sand in my hourglass running down - I don't know how to move past this except to try to stick with it. I've been thinking of hiring a writing coach... how is it that so much of my process involves reworking my space and set up? It feels like I keep reinventing the wheel - each time I try to circumvent it I end up having to just get back to it, and set up the scene again and again, and I never get past the point of setting things up!

over and over
something's wrong with this picture
time is running out


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